Grief
I am not gonna lie. I am not gonna candy coat this.
This grief thing? It sucks.
I can go a whole day and be totally fine.
Then something will trigger my thoughts and ‘Oh Ya….mom’s gone’
Last Sunday was the first Sunday since she passed. We always go over on Sunday evening to read the ads and coupons.
She isn’t here to visit.
Just this evening we were eating some York patties….mini ones that mom had in her stash. They are almost gone. She isn’t here to replace them when that last patty is eaten.
Both of these instances….mind you there are more…..but both made me tear up and even. GASP. CRY!
If you’ve read my blog for any length of time. Or if you follow me on twitter. You know I am not a hugger. Or a crier. Having been raised by a British mother you just didn’t cry. My dad wasn’t a hugger so I guess I get that from him.
This whole crying thing? I am letting myself do it. Thursday I even pulled the car over and let it go. What good am I doing if I don’t. Oh by the way….I won’t be making any trips to Michael’s anytime soon….
So with all of this said. I have decided I need to blog through this journey. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Actually. It wasn’t me who decided, but The Principal suggested.
My ‘blog hits’ have dropped tremendously since moving to the .com….and more so since I haven’t been blogging.
At this point it isn’t about numbers.
Maybe there is a woman out there who used to be part of the Sandwich Generation and now finds she is in a new season of life. If I reach only one person then this writing was worth it.
https://mamakautz.com/grief/Christian LivingI am not gonna lie. I am not gonna candy coat this. This grief thing? It sucks. I can go a whole day and be totally fine. Then something will trigger my thoughts and ‘Oh Ya….mom’s gone’ Last Sunday was the first Sunday since she passed. We always go...Mama Kautz mamakautz@gmail.comAdministratorMama Kautz
I’m so sorry, Katey. When my grandmother (who lived with us) died, it was weird times that I started crying. For instance when I realized on Thanksgiving that nobody would be carving the radishes into roses.
First it’s just simply unbearable. Then there are good moments sprinkled in your day. With time the good moments grow longer & the unbearable are rarer. Eventually you get to just smile again when you think of her. It’ll come.
If you’re going to be “transparent”, it’s likely the blog will get fewer hits for awhile. Some folks just don’t want to read the reality of it, and that’s okay. But for now – while you need it – just write. It’ll help. The Principal is one smart and loving guy!
Grief does suck. A whole lot. But it’s good that you’re grieving. I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to grieve, or you wouldn’t survive this with any sanity. And don’t rush yourself – everyone has their own time frame. I’m still working through mine, four years later.
Praying for you for strength during the hard and sad times, and for many happy times and fond memories. The pain will subside. Not today, or tomorrow, but some day. I promise. (((hugs)))
Thank you Julie. My transparency won’t be just the grief. At least that wasn’t my thought when I switched my blog. My focus was going to be purity and modesty. Well. Still homeschooling too.
You have. It was worth it. I’ll say a prayer for your loss.
what a great husband you have! i am so proud of you! not for telling the entire world, but for being honest w/yourself. this grief thing does suck. i fight it everyday. see?? i have tears all of a sudden rolling as i type these words! (it still comes out of no where even almost a year later!)
there are moments i smile when i think of good times, and there are moments i can’t see through the tears. i can look back over this last year and see clearly (through the tears) that it is a process. grief is a process. and the stronger moments grow more frequent.
love you, girl –
I just found your blog while searching for Charlotte Mason blogs. I just wanted to lend my sympathies to you and your family. I lost my father in June and I can very much tell you that it is still hard. It gets easier, but it will never truly heal over. I think that’s our way of keeping them with us. God Bless.
Loss bites, and seeing everything and everyone continuing on “normally” can be so frustrating. I pray there are more and more laughs and great memories for you. (((Hugs)))
love you, praying for you 🙂
I’m visiting you from HHH’s blogroll as I use the CM method of teaching. I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray God will offer you the comfort that you need.