Redemption
noun
1. an act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed.
2. deliverance; rescue.
3. Theology . deliverance from sin; salvation.
4. atonement for guilt.
The year was 1995. I was a single, 24 year old, mom.
I had shared custody of my boys, then ages 3 and 4 1/2.
On my time off I was living the good life. What I thought was the good life at the time anyway.
Going to bars on the weekends I didn’t have my boys. Enjoying men.
Then I got a boyfriend.
I was, what I thought, in love. He was THE ONE! I adored him.
I told him often that I loved him. He never once said it back…but he would change. Right?
It was a gorgeous day in early April. The sun was bright! It was warm.
We had gone on a pretty lengthy bike ride.
I was young and in fairly good shape. On the way back I started getting side aches.
I thought maybe it was the McDonald’s I had eaten earlier in the day.
I managed to make it back to the car. Feeling pretty ill though.
The next day we went hiking out in Gold Bar. Laying in the sun on a big rock it dawned on me.
I was late!
That pain in my side?
I wondered aloud that hmm am I pregnant?
Naw…we hardly knew each other. We had only been dating a month or so.
Yes, I said I loved him. Yes, it had only been a month or so. Yes, I was young and naiive!
I took a test.
It was positive.
Really!?!?!?!?!
CRAP!
There is NO WAY I can have this baby!
My boys are little!
His boy is little!
I hardly know him!
I scheduled an appointment.
I had to wait until I was 6 weeks along.
I had 2 full weeks to walk around knowing what I planned on doing.
We talked. Not at length. It was agreed that it was the right thing to do.
He went with me. Insurance covered it.
It was May 11th, 1995
I remember being taken to a room and given something to ‘relax me’
I remember the noise of a machine.
I remember looking over and seeing him just looking at me.
Not anger.
Not remorse.
Just looking.
I got dressed.
We went to Denny’s.
Denny’s
Seriously?
I just committed murder and we went to Denny’s!
I slept the rest of the day.
and most of the next.
I don’t wish this experience on my worst enemy!
The day to day healing is better.
I still can’t sit in church when that A word comes up.
I change the channel if ‘it’ comes on TV.
I still cringe when May 11th is on the calendar….
These are my own issues I still need to work through.
God knew I would repent and ask forgiveness on March 17th, 2001!
God HAS forgiven me!
He has DELIVERED me!
Psa 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
“God HAS forgiven me!
He has DELIVERED me! ”
Amen!