The Boyfriend Pillow
Could also be titled colonoscopy prep tips or TMI post.
No, I am not 50 yet…yes, I had to have one of these dreaded procedures. The positive? 10 years before my next one OH YA!
I had gone in for my yearly check up and had a routine blood draw. It came back ‘severely anemic.’
So my family doc said we really need to find out why. This is more than your monthly Aunt Flo visitor causing your iron to be so low.
I make the appointment. The Principal takes the day off. I need a driver for after the ‘event.’
Sunday afternoon I take the 2 little Dulcolax pills. Says wait two hours before starting the drink or after first bowel movement. 2 hours passes and nothing. So I start
drinking gagging down this rancid drink. It had flavor packets to add to it…I chose lemon lime. Blech! Think salty, somewhat slimy, Gatorade. GROSS. 8 oz. at a time for half a gallon.
I immediately start looking for ways to make this more appealing. GOOGLE to the rescue! 8 oz of drink with 2 oz of chicken broth. I warmed it up and was able to get it down this way. The whole going to the bathroom part wasn’t as bad as I expected. I would describe it as self induced stomach flu. I did just hole up in bed and read Hunger Games the rest of the day and evening.
Morning of…The Principal is sweet and doesn’t eat breakfast. We get to the hospital and check in. I am taken to a room and given the gown of doom.
I am being flooded with memories of mom. She had been at this very hospital at least 3 times with various ailments.
The anesthesiologist comes to get my I.V. started. He isn’t having much luck. Just like my mom my veins aren’t cooperating. My left hand still hurts from where he dug around. I shed a few tears when I saw the bruise starting and got pissed because I wasn’t going to be able to show mom. She was always showing me her bruises as a result of blood draws or banging her hand on something.
We get the I.V. started. Happy drugs flowing. I get wheeled up to the procedure room. Very relaxed at this point.
Next thing…I am awake…then I am in my room…I don’t remember being wheeled down..I amazingly remember The Principal’s cell phone number because he wasn’t to be found.
Fast forward to being home…mostly because I don’t recall much until I am about to fall asleep in my comfy bed….The nice nurse making me comfortable just before I go under…gives me a big pillow behind my back because I am on my side…I asked her if it was my boyfriend. You know, like my daughter’s body pillow, that we call her boyfriend.
That is TOTALLY what I meant. I hope they all knew that is what I meant…and that what is said in the procedure room, stays in the procedure room.